http://www.campusbasement.com/ Funny college news articles, pictures, and videos submitted by students http://www.campusbasement.com/ http://www.campusbasement.com/img/campusbasement-blue.png Wed, 22 Feb 2012 4:05:02 -0700 en-us http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/groceries/articles/4585/fresh-easy-me-a-love-story http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/groceries/articles/4585/fresh-easy-me-a-love-story Wed, 22 Feb 2012 16:00:00 -0700 The latest exciting chapter in Lia’s series of open letters to places, not people. Dear Fresh amp; Easy, For the last few months, the area beneath my apartment has undergone some serious construction to which I truthfully never paid any attention. The irony in my indifference, even annoyance, toward your building process can only be likened to that of an infant who has no idea that the awful noise coming through the hospital wall is ac [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/maincampus/articles/52/fixit-employee-requested-by-student-to-open-pouch-of-capri-sun http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/maincampus/articles/52/fixit-employee-requested-by-student-to-open-pouch-of-capri-sun Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:44:00 -0700 Syracuse University’s highly regarded maintenance organization, FixIt, is usually accustomed to performing routine repair and cleaning jobs for students such as replacing light bulbs around campus or powerwashing vomit off the carpets of dormitory common rooms. But Tuesday at approximately 3:00pm, Helen Graham, a 20-year veteran FixIt employee, received a call and was unexpectedly met with a different kind of request. On the other line was junior engineering major Matt Benson, who sought pro [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/maryland/maincampus/articles/4582/no-fun-loh http://www.campusbasement.com/maryland/maincampus/articles/4582/no-fun-loh Wed, 22 Feb 2012 14:46:00 -0700 When Wallace Loh took over as new President of the University of Maryland, few realized his true intentions. It was a relativity smooth transition and Loh got lots of love from all the head flunkies of this establishment. The students were forced to accept someone they knew so very little about as their new supreme overlord and go about their business. Honestly most students could care less and acted as if nothing had really happened. Those students were unfortunately in for a subtle, [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/jeremylin/videos/4587/jeremy-lin-song-short-fun-original http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/jeremylin/videos/4587/jeremy-lin-song-short-fun-original Wed, 22 Feb 2012 08:47:51 -0700 "Lin City" is a song about the growing legend that is Jeremy Lin. [ VIDEOS] http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/movies/articles/4584/usc-ruins-movies-devastates-writer http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/movies/articles/4584/usc-ruins-movies-devastates-writer Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:36:00 -0700 USC has ruined movies* for me. Despite being a film major, it wasn’t the School of Cinematic Arts that destroyed the mirage Hollywood created in my pre-college days. Instead, I hold Bovard, Trousdale, Doheny, and VKC accountable. Hell, even Taper and GFS had a hand in killing the magic of movies.I present to you an expose on the films USC has annihilated with its perpetual photogenicism. Beginning, of course, with the finest piece of USC-tainted cinema: Legally Blonde. [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/maryland/maincampus/articles/4583/auntie-anne-makes-a-new-home-in-stamp http://www.campusbasement.com/maryland/maincampus/articles/4583/auntie-anne-makes-a-new-home-in-stamp Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:01:00 -0700 When Anne and Jonas Beiler of Auntie Anne’s famous pretzels first bought a stand at a local farmers market in Pennsylvania, they were thinking of starting a counseling service for the locals. After that fell through, it makes more than enough sense that they would then take the most logical next step: start making pretzels. Wait, what? Since they were not grossly overcharging for advice that any bum off the street could give, they went in the direction that was actually making money: d [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/hofstra/sex/articles/4581/michelle-duggar-smarter-than-her-vagina-lets-on http://www.campusbasement.com/hofstra/sex/articles/4581/michelle-duggar-smarter-than-her-vagina-lets-on Tue, 21 Feb 2012 11:24:00 -0700 Does your vagina hang low? Does it wobble to and fro? Can you nbsp;tie it in a knot? Can you nbsp;tie it in a bow? Can youthrow it o'er your shoulder Like a Continental Soldier? Does your vagina hang low? Normally, if I wrote about a family with 19 children I’d have lost my audience by the time they finished reading the title. This is partly due to the fact th [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/syracuse/articles/4580/and-on-your-left-we-see http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/syracuse/articles/4580/and-on-your-left-we-see Tue, 21 Feb 2012 09:29:00 -0700 Admit it: you, like everybody else, went on a supervised tour of Syracuse University some time in your past. We all remember being herded like cattle around the quad, being told constantly that the steps of Carnegie Library led nowhere as our parents embarrassed us in front of our elder classmates. Judging by the excess amount of bright orange bags on the Quad yesterday it seems that this week has many prospective students visiting the school. Unfortunately, one these prospective studen [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/hofstra/hofstra/articles/4579/hu-law-just-got-served http://www.campusbasement.com/hofstra/hofstra/articles/4579/hu-law-just-got-served Tue, 21 Feb 2012 07:02:00 -0700 The oh-so-amazing Hofstra Law School is being sued as per se* part of a class action law suit by a lawyer with a name suggesting connections to a famous jeans company. One may suggest this to be a conspiracy urging more lawyers to wear jeans in the courtroom. Others believe this would not have happened if poor people would stop wanting to fulfill their “American Dream”, and leave the practice of law to the top 1% of the population. Rich people know better. How else would they be r [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/ramapo/ramapocollege/articles/4578/the-piggyback-bandit-is-coming-to-town http://www.campusbasement.com/ramapo/ramapocollege/articles/4578/the-piggyback-bandit-is-coming-to-town Mon, 20 Feb 2012 23:24:00 -0700 If you haven’t heard by now, a man named Sherwin Shayegan has made quite the reputation for himself in the world of high school sports. Standing at 5-foot-8, 240-pounds, The Washington State native attends High School sporting events, often dressed in the proper athletic uniform, with a single goal in mind. "He helped lay out uniforms, got water. He even gave a couple of kids shoulder massages. Creepy stuff like that," said Jim Haussler, activities director for the Bismarck [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/florida/fsu/articles/4577/taking-time-to-help-those-less-fortunate http://www.campusbasement.com/florida/fsu/articles/4577/taking-time-to-help-those-less-fortunate Mon, 20 Feb 2012 20:25:00 -0700 UF acceptance letters recently went out to the class of 2016. Unfortunately for thousands of students, their best just simply wasn't good enough and they will be attending the school out west aka FSU. With your assistance, these helpless souls can have a shot at a better life. nbsp;Probably not though.Click Here to Help UF Rejects Now! [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/cornell/cornell/pictures/4576/missing-help-me-find-my-freshman-orientation-group http://www.campusbasement.com/cornell/cornell/pictures/4576/missing-help-me-find-my-freshman-orientation-group Mon, 20 Feb 2012 20:00:00 -0700 I blame my Orientation Leader for not warning me this would happen! [ PICTURES] http://www.campusbasement.com/michigan/michigan/articles/4575/2nd-floor-ugli-date-party- http://www.campusbasement.com/michigan/michigan/articles/4575/2nd-floor-ugli-date-party- Mon, 20 Feb 2012 18:47:00 -0700 Michelangelo had David, Joe Louis had Joe Louis arena, Dave Brandon had the night game, Mary Sue Coleman: has Slutty with a Study Buddy, at the UGLI. nbsp;This past Saturday, Sorority Iota Delta Epsilon (IDE) held their winter semester formal at the highly relevant Shapiro Undergraduate Library. Sororities have been competing all year long for optimal positioning in the UGLI. Stacy Staysea, a junior and social chair of a rival sorority, had this to say, “Ever [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/wash-u/bizarre/articles/4574/horsies-on-campus-hm- http://www.campusbasement.com/wash-u/bizarre/articles/4574/horsies-on-campus-hm- Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:59:00 -0700 There was a horse-drawn carriage on campus today (it might still be roaming around if you wanna chase it). See the photo for confirmation. I can't be the only person at WashU wondering what in the world that was doing here. These are my thoughts on what the administration must've been thinking when they approved a giant carriage to roam around campus causing mass confusion. From the inside of the administration's mind…. 1) Today is February 20th, the da [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/frats/articles/4573/new-fraternity-pledge-shocked-to-realize-brothers-lied-to-him-during-rush-week http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/frats/articles/4573/new-fraternity-pledge-shocked-to-realize-brothers-lied-to-him-during-rush-week Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:38:00 -0700 Now that Syracuse University’s IFC spring rush period has finally come to an end, aspiring Greeks around campus have officially made the coveted transition from GDIs to worthless maggot pledges, prepared for the toughest physical and mental challenge of their college careers. Delta Theta pledge Marc Nason, however, was caught off guard to learn that despite what he was told during rush, pledging a fraternity would involve binge drinking, very little sleep [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/ramapo/time/articles/4572/8-minutes-to-freedom-the-inner-monologue-of-a-student-whose-professor-is-7-minutes-late http://www.campusbasement.com/ramapo/time/articles/4572/8-minutes-to-freedom-the-inner-monologue-of-a-student-whose-professor-is-7-minutes-late Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:58:00 -0700 8 Minutes to Go: Okay, let's just relax. We've been in this situation before. Don't wanna get your hopes up, only to be crushed by his entrance. He's gonna come. There's no shot he's not coming. I wonder what we're learning today. Yup, definitely gonna come. 7 Minutes to Go: Holy shit, he's not coming. This. Is. Happening. I'm gonna get so much accomplished with this extra time. First, I'm finishing my Strategic Management homework. Then [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/mizzou/trump/articles/4571/donald-trump-demands-to-see-jeremy-lins-birth-certificate http://www.campusbasement.com/mizzou/trump/articles/4571/donald-trump-demands-to-see-jeremy-lins-birth-certificate Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:05:00 -0700 New York Knicks standout Jeremy Lin has taken the National Basketball Association by storm, with the Knicks winning 7 of the 8 games the young point guard has started in. Lin has created a buzz worldwide, as people continue to praise the Harvard graduate. Sources suggest that an Asian American hasn’t made this much noise since the Wu Tang Clan, who turned out not to be very Asian at all.But not everyone is convinced that Jeremy Lin is in fact an Asian-“American.” Business mogul D [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/emory/cox/articles/4570/emory-buildings-found-to-be-penis-provoking http://www.campusbasement.com/emory/cox/articles/4570/emory-buildings-found-to-be-penis-provoking Mon, 20 Feb 2012 12:33:00 -0700 “Some things are penis provoking.” Excuse me? In what rational, sane, university appropriate conversation would someone say that? Apparently in one that takes place at Emory, because that’s where I heard it. But why would someone say this? Don’t worry, I did some serious, undercover investigating, and I figured this one out for you. Let us begin with the obvious. There is a Woodruff Hall, W [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/mizzou/gdi/videos/4569/jakes-movie-monday-gdi-life http://www.campusbasement.com/mizzou/gdi/videos/4569/jakes-movie-monday-gdi-life Mon, 20 Feb 2012 11:31:00 -0700 A tale of a God Damn Independent. [ VIDEOS] http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/erniedavis/articles/4567/after-dining-hall-prices-increase-students-expect-marshall-st-cuisine-in-ernie-davis http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/erniedavis/articles/4567/after-dining-hall-prices-increase-students-expect-marshall-st-cuisine-in-ernie-davis Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:00:00 -0700 If you thought school was expensive when you enrolled at Syracuse University, think again – the prices have just gone up. Meal plans are slated to average $3,120 per 14 week semester for the 2012-2013 academic year. “I did the math,” sophomore Jeremy Lukeidis said. “If I could spend the money on the food I want to eat, I could buy roughly....a shit ton of Wings.” The new value averages $223 per week, or, in hypothetical graph terms: [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/weekinreview/articles/4568/week-in-review-get-a-load-of-the-news-on-that-guy http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/weekinreview/articles/4568/week-in-review-get-a-load-of-the-news-on-that-guy Mon, 20 Feb 2012 01:32:00 -0700 Your second-best source for the past week's Daily Trojan headlinesDPS safety forum discusses student stress management, decreasing crime rates : Arguably, that second one could take care of both 1970 Los Angeles ban on throwing balls at beaches lifted : All my “MY BALLS, MY CHOICE!” posters must have worked! Onion editors address satire in the media : nbsp;They [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/cornell/diversity/articles/4566/we-be-diverse-says-skorton http://www.campusbasement.com/cornell/diversity/articles/4566/we-be-diverse-says-skorton Sun, 19 Feb 2012 19:36:00 -0700 President Skorton issued a statement regarding the University’s new diversity goals in an e-mail to the entire student body on Wednesday. Skorton and the deans are promising to amp up diversity at Cornell. And by "amp up," they clearly mean "initiate."If you didn’t catch the drift of the President’s statement for a number of reasons (1. You don’t give a shit. 2. The e-mail interrupted your game of Scramble with Friends. 3. You really don’t give a shit. 4. You alread [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/emmaroberts/articles/4564/newhouse-kids-incessantly-asking-cusack-and-roberts-to-be-in-their-movies http://www.campusbasement.com/syracuse/emmaroberts/articles/4564/newhouse-kids-incessantly-asking-cusack-and-roberts-to-be-in-their-movies Sun, 19 Feb 2012 18:58:00 -0700 With the news of Emma Roberts and John Cusack filming at Syracuse University buzzing around campus, many students were interested in much more than just spotting the two stars. Allegedly, Newhouse student after Newhouse student have approached the two “Adult World” stars hoping to cast one of them as the star for their TRF class projects. One particularly persistent Newhouse student kept asking Mr. Cusack to do his “best Stevie Nicks impersonation. You know, like in Schoo [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/work/articles/4565/coma-patient-enraged-that-friends-already-have-housing http://www.campusbasement.com/usc/work/articles/4565/coma-patient-enraged-that-friends-already-have-housing Sun, 19 Feb 2012 18:00:00 -0700 CB reporters had to provide a steady supply of Kleenex as emotion, tears and tear-snot poured out of sophomore Nick Cataton early this afternoon. nbsp;“Franklin turned to me with this look like he’d forgotten to grab his laundry out of the dryer. ‘Oh, uh, we already got housing.’ I mean, is that all I am to him? Forgotten laundry?” Nick was hospitalized early this semester for a work overdose that nearly took his life. “I registered for 20 units. I thought I [ ARTICLES] http://www.campusbasement.com/florida/fsu/videos/4562/taking-time-to-help-those-less-fortunate http://www.campusbasement.com/florida/fsu/videos/4562/taking-time-to-help-those-less-fortunate Sun, 19 Feb 2012 15:45:00 -0700 UF acceptance letters recently went out to the class of 2016. Unfortunately for thousands of students, their best just simply wasn't good enough and they will be attending the school out west. With your assistance, these helpless souls can have a shot at a better life. [ VIDEOS]