A recent trend has begun to develop at Syracuse where, in a
surprising turn of events, professors are copying off of students. Namely, they
have taken to skipping class and providing students with incredibly
underdeveloped excuses.

Over the last few weeks, a record 67 professors have been
recorded absent from class, citing excuses such as, “My mother just passed
away,” “I have some sort of strange virus that doctors can’t identify but I
should be fine by the next class,” and, “I just died in a car accident.”

Students throughout campus have become frustrated with the
lack of effort on the professors’ parts.

“I expect more from my professors,” says Susan Turner, a
junior poly sci major. “I invest countless hours preparing for this class, and
to receive such ill-timed and poorly planned excuses is simply unacceptable.”

Turner added, “They’re not going to pass my final evaluation
without coming to class, that’s for sure.”

Professors, though, are not concerned about their behavior.

“So I missed a few classes,” says Professor Johannes of the
College of Arts and Sciences, “big whoop. My students don’t even take
attendance, so what’s the point?”